Relationshits ...

"I'm tired of the drama and semantics involved with relationships. So i'm not a thespian or codebreakercut me some slack, would you?" from Icko

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Makes me sing "She's so vulnerable, like China in your hands, oh so vulnerable & I dont understand..How can I ever hurt the one I love she's all I got, my baby she's so vulnerable"

You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or make out with you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Yeah tell me about the kiss..they can eat you alive and would never get yourself back the way it used to.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, ï love you" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. Its compelling and overwhelming and sooner it will hurt. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. damn!!

WTF am I saying when I'm even in a f****** relationship right now... still happy and enjoying it...hehe

Bring me to Neverland

I am a typical undutchable wanderer here in Netherlands. Life isnt always easy they say, I dont know much still despite my 3 months stay. Its good however I have friends of whom I can be with in lonesome times though its not all happy as it seem.

It was a Saturday evening, a game of pool was decided among mutual friends of Mark. However, there was a fifth wheel who considers herself a primadonna of the night and lets just say a total naive for me..since she does not make herself approachable for any communication. Not even a smile would cross her face as she glance my side, which really does not bother me, but what bothers me is that how would our constant companions would react on me.

The primadonna..took the ball of the conversation leaving me a wall flower. Why, because its all in Dutch. I had to cope like this and get used to it as I knew this was part of the dutch culture. I kept composure and acted normal, without a single sign of boringness taking myself to Neverland and think of other nicest things on earth I can ever appreciate. Like the cute guy who's glancing on me at the next table, like the delicious dinner I had, like the best big O I ever had and the smiles of the people I love.

I often drag myself to Neverland, in times where Im stuck in a company where I was a total loner. I was never good at it but I'm learning that life is too short to notice more of the nuisance than the good things around. I told myself..i choose to be happy that day.. If this ever happen again, I'd still drag myself to Neverland.

" I often choose to pretend I'm happy so I won't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand.. Smilng has always been easier than explaining why im sad"

What do I care?

Firday afternoon I had to drag myself ride my fiets (bike) and drove to the city. I was in the midst of the cold rain showers. I appreciate this long way except the fact that I had to pull down my jacket each time to cover up my back. I was in the city of Tilburg by 3:30pm. Head to VVV I bought 10 figurines of a dutch couple worth 1.60 euro... or 100 pesos I think.. I sent it over to Shiela, Lovelyn and Ems.

I drove back and started to wonder while on the way how it would be like later when I see Mark again. As I got there at our doorsteps. I saw Bert my host dad arrive at the same time..I thought whew! at least I know someone's going to make dinner..I just hate the thinking about what to have for dinner. Bert prepared fries and fricandel it looks like a long sausage to me and fritz or french fries. I went upstairs and there I waited for Mark.

While I'm writing this blog..I also happen to be waiting for him.. He was there at our doorsteps past 10pm, he embraced me like a never seen relative I tried to resist for the fear that the kids might see us by the window.. but I hear the usual answer "What do I care?! I even waved at them", he said. While in the car we never stop the smooches..it was like waiting for forever I told him. He may never bothered but for me it was a nice feeling.