monthsary

senti mode: The first of every month will be the official monthsary of my foreign bf. haha..(lol) happy lang ako **kilig mode**

I told Mark about how its like in Phils.Sounds corny but its how we show affection and keeping track and datelines of one's relationship. He said this is even way better coz other Dutch girls count the weeks instead. He brought me a mooi bloom (beautiful flowers) right at our doorsteps at 11pm of the 31st of January.

Im not good with counting..since I already had been into a 6 yr past and had been a lot smarter now.

I dont care whether this one I have will last for a few more weeks..months or years..Im happy with him right now and just enjoying it..Cheers to our first month ! (",)

Relationshits ...

"I'm tired of the drama and semantics involved with relationships. So i'm not a thespian or codebreakercut me some slack, would you?" from Icko

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Makes me sing "She's so vulnerable, like China in your hands, oh so vulnerable & I dont understand..How can I ever hurt the one I love she's all I got, my baby she's so vulnerable"

You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or make out with you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Yeah tell me about the kiss..they can eat you alive and would never get yourself back the way it used to.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, ï love you" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. Its compelling and overwhelming and sooner it will hurt. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. damn!!

WTF am I saying when I'm even in a f****** relationship right now... still happy and enjoying it...hehe

Bring me to Neverland

I am a typical undutchable wanderer here in Netherlands. Life isnt always easy they say, I dont know much still despite my 3 months stay. Its good however I have friends of whom I can be with in lonesome times though its not all happy as it seem.

It was a Saturday evening, a game of pool was decided among mutual friends of Mark. However, there was a fifth wheel who considers herself a primadonna of the night and lets just say a total naive for me..since she does not make herself approachable for any communication. Not even a smile would cross her face as she glance my side, which really does not bother me, but what bothers me is that how would our constant companions would react on me.

The primadonna..took the ball of the conversation leaving me a wall flower. Why, because its all in Dutch. I had to cope like this and get used to it as I knew this was part of the dutch culture. I kept composure and acted normal, without a single sign of boringness taking myself to Neverland and think of other nicest things on earth I can ever appreciate. Like the cute guy who's glancing on me at the next table, like the delicious dinner I had, like the best big O I ever had and the smiles of the people I love.

I often drag myself to Neverland, in times where Im stuck in a company where I was a total loner. I was never good at it but I'm learning that life is too short to notice more of the nuisance than the good things around. I told myself..i choose to be happy that day.. If this ever happen again, I'd still drag myself to Neverland.

" I often choose to pretend I'm happy so I won't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand.. Smilng has always been easier than explaining why im sad"

What do I care?

Firday afternoon I had to drag myself ride my fiets (bike) and drove to the city. I was in the midst of the cold rain showers. I appreciate this long way except the fact that I had to pull down my jacket each time to cover up my back. I was in the city of Tilburg by 3:30pm. Head to VVV I bought 10 figurines of a dutch couple worth 1.60 euro... or 100 pesos I think.. I sent it over to Shiela, Lovelyn and Ems.

I drove back and started to wonder while on the way how it would be like later when I see Mark again. As I got there at our doorsteps. I saw Bert my host dad arrive at the same time..I thought whew! at least I know someone's going to make dinner..I just hate the thinking about what to have for dinner. Bert prepared fries and fricandel it looks like a long sausage to me and fritz or french fries. I went upstairs and there I waited for Mark.

While I'm writing this blog..I also happen to be waiting for him.. He was there at our doorsteps past 10pm, he embraced me like a never seen relative I tried to resist for the fear that the kids might see us by the window.. but I hear the usual answer "What do I care?! I even waved at them", he said. While in the car we never stop the smooches..it was like waiting for forever I told him. He may never bothered but for me it was a nice feeling.

dutch or hravatski?

Today I went with a friend to pick up Dali, a croatian girl who lives in Zhagreb. I saw her in pink coat and a huge luggage thats good for her 2 week stay here in Netherlands. She seemed so nice and could express herself in English. The moment i saw her, I was told to greet her. English, Dutch and Croatian words start to pop up in my mind.. in search of the Croatian greeting.. then as we met I said "Zdravo Dali". Thank God I remembered and it sound good that it amazed her.

She was talking to her brother in their native tounge and there I was in the midst of clueless..wtf are they talking about..but she was nice though to everything they we're discussing still I was there with no idea at all..The only words I understood was Jedan(one), cetri (four), Dobra (good), ne rezumiem ( I dont understand), nista (nothing). Words juggle up in my head trying to get touch based still with Dutch as the inspectot of the train was asking for the ticket..he asked how many it was..then I blurted out dri (three) and Dank je (thanks).

This is really gotta be a headache. I also learned from Dali that she doesnt like William, Dave's bestfriend. She told me that in English. But then we arrived home..then ate lunch..we'll they're back to speaking Harvatski again. I'm really lost. If I can only escape this moment I would have flown off somewhere who speaks my own language too..they didnt know how hard it is for me to understand things..But I kept cool and just thought its Christmas and its Dave's time to be happy with her sister. I leave it all up to them.. I probably just dont have to make myself worry over things. I'm getting paranoia to things around me.. language is really a tough problem. But I will soon get hang of it.

Tot zo .. I thought so

I got an sms from a Mark, my dutch friend from Goirle. He said he'll meet online by 10pm. I sent in a response "Alright, Tot zo". I thought at first Tot zo means see you later. But it was not... when Mark called all of sudden to ask " You didn't mean you want to meet me online after a few minutes because thats what Tot zo means." To my surprise I just have to fix my dutch vocabulary hehe.. and of course I answered back.." Sorry I thought it mean see you later at 10pm".